Change is coming

2014 has been quite the year for me and, yes, I know, it's only the beginning of February.  This year did not start off quite the way I wanted it to.  I rang in the new year upset.  Even though I was surrounded by others I still felt alone.  Within a week I was sick and a trip I had been looking forward to was cancelled (but not because I was sick). Mother Nature I hate you.  I came back to my apartment after a month of being away only to realize that my hot water (which only lasted a maximum of four minutes) was now only lasting a maximum of one and a half minutes.  At least I was looking forward to my college classes.  I mean I was finally taking the classes I wanted and not the classes I needed.  Finally things were turning around.  FALSE.  Within two weeks I had decided to break up with my boyfriend.  I was with him for eight months.  It felt weird being alone.  I missed him.  Earlier today I quit my job.  I mean so many different things have happened to me.  This is a complete 180 from last year.  But I have hope for the future.  I applied for an internship and I am declaring my major within the next month.  So I mean things are going to start looking up.  I just need to keep a positive outlook on life.  There's a saying that goes "Be strong, because things will get better.  It might be stormy now, but it can't rain forever."  I truly love that and I wholeheartedly believe that. 

The People Who Stay

If there is one thing I learned in my life it is that people will come and go.  Some people are meant to teach you lessons.  Others are meant to pick up your broken pieces.  Some are meant to make you grow.  It does not matter who it is; each person is there for a reason.  I have had my fair share of people come and go.  I have had my heart broken and I have broken a few myself.  I have cried and I have laughed.  I would not have it any other way.  Yet there are some things I have noticed.  There are some people in my life who have been there with me through it all: the tears, the laughter, the silly ideas, the late night phone calls, and the stupid mistakes.  I focused so much on those who came and went that I forgot to focus on those who have come and stayed.  My friends.  I have no idea what I would do without them.  They have dealt with me at my best and my worst, especially this past week.  I was a roller coaster of emotions.  I mean now I am happy and amazing, but, my god, this last week was crazy.  I was all over the place.  If it wasn't for them I do not know if I could have done it.  They are all truly amazing.  They are people I never want to lose in my life and I just want to say thank you to them.  Some say you never really appreciate what you have until it is gone, but, trust me, I know just how lucky I am.  I am lucky I realized it now and not when it was to late.  These people are the best things that have ever happened to me and I just hope that one day I can be as good a friend to them as they are to me.  

Curling of the lips.

I love to smile.  Sometimes I smile so much that my face hurts.  Typically when that happens I laugh so hard and smile even bigger.  There is just something about a smile that I love.  Maybe it is how the lips curl upwards or maybe it is the way a smile changes the whole face.  You get dimples and your eyes squish together.  It is beautiful.  A smile speaks volumes about a person.  You can smile without showing teeth or you can smile with.  Either way it's breathtaking.  The best thing about a smile though is the way it infects others.  I do not care what people say, smiles are contagious.  People always ask me why I am so happy.  It's simple.  Just because I'm having a bad day doesn't mean I have to bring others down as well.  I will always smile and laugh.  It's contagious and I love infecting others with the happy bug.

My dad and I love to smile :)

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

So a couple days ago I was on Instagram and this woman posted a photo of herself in the doctors office with the caption "getting ready for the test".  She explained how she was getting her skin tested because there were abnormal cells.  She said how she thought that she should be this beautiful woman who was tan, tall and skinny.  She would starve herself so her thighs didn't touch and would tan to an extreme.  Now she is facing the possibility of skin cancer.  Do I know this woman?  No.  I follow her because she makes custom Toms shoes and I love them.  She has posted a few photos of herself and she is very pretty.  To see this woman open up to random strangers and say how she tried to be societies idea of "perfection" and how it might end up killing her was heartbreaking.  Today little girls are growing up with the idea that anything bigger than a size 2 is fat, white skin is frowned upon, being tall is ideal and having luscious blonde hair is sought after.  I will admit when I was younger I wanted blonde hair, tan skin, and a tiny waist.  I would watch what I ate and dye my hair.  Then something struck me.  Why did I care what others thought of me?  I loved food and I wanted to eat it.  Hell, I ate the food my friends didn't eat.  Yes, I did gain a little more weight.  But who cares?  I have curves, I have brunette hair, I have pale skin, and guess what, there is someone out there who likes me for myself.  He is great and tells me how much he likes me the way I am.  Sure, there are men out there who prefer the skinny, tall, tan woman.  There are also men out there that prefer the 5'5, pale, curly haired red head.  There is a man or woman (depending on who you prefer) out there for you.  Trust me, I know.  Never change yourself to please others.  Make yourself happy and someone will come and find you.  And if you aren't searching for someone than so be it.  Do not alter your appearances because society tells you to.  Do what you want and screw everyone and everything else.  

Words of a poet.

I am an avid reader.  Whether it be my juvenile delinquency and justice text book or a my favorite sonnet by William Shakespeare, I love to read.  Every time I go to my Nana's house I "borrow" more books from her.  I use quotes because she thinks I steal them while I think I borrow them.  I mean, hey, I return them.  Sure it takes me about a year but at least I give them back.  That's got to count for something right?  Well any who, the point is that I read.  My favorite thing to read is romance with poetry a close second.  I could read sonnets, haikus, etc. forever.  I thought I would share some poems with you.

All poems were found on Pinterest.

I'm back :)

Yeah, yeah. I know it's been a while since I've last written a post, but hey, I'm a busy person.  So much has happened to me since my last post way back in April.  Then again it has been 6 months.  Some things were bound to happen within that time.  So here, let me give you the low down.

May: Finished up a semester of school and started talking to this guy.  
June: Went to Vegas with said guy.  
July: Moved to Arizona with my Aunt for a month and started dating said guy.
August: Moved into my first apartment and started my junior year of college.
September: Started tutoring inmates at the local jail for their GED.
October: Saw my boyfriend for the first time in 3 months and MY SISTER GOT MARRIED!!!

Oh and did I mention I was the Maid of Honor?!?  For those of you who have yet to experience the Maid of Honor title, let me fill you in on a few things.  First, prepare to eat, sleep, breathe wedding.  You're going to start to wonder if you're actually the one getting married.  You will hear colors that you never knew existed, such as peek-a-boo pink and mellow yellow.  I'm still not sure what those colors even look like.  Second, be prepared to eat a lot.  Seriously though, you will consume ungodly amounts of food.  The worst part is that you cannot say no.  You must do it "for the sake of the wedding".  Yeah try telling my favorite pair of jeans that.  Third, you must make sure your phone is with you at all times.  It is an unspoken law.  If you leave your phone alone for five minutes you WILL receive 30 text messages, 12 picture messages, 8 missed phone calls, and 6 voice mails.  I'm not kidding.  We both know how annoying that little voice mail icons are at the top of the phone.  Fourth, you cannot eat.  I know, I know, I just said you will eat ungodly amounts of food.  Yeah it sucks.  You have to eat but not eat at the same time.  There is this thing called a bridesmaids dress and if you don't fit into it, bridezilla will unleash scary things onto you.  Speaking of bridezilla, AVOID HER AT ALL COSTS.  The groom will say it is your responsibility to control her.  Wrong.  So, so wrong.  It is his job.  If he wants to marry her then he can deal with that.

But when the day comes, you forget everything that has led up to the day and you just accept that what's done is done and what's not been accomplished will not happen.  As long as the bride and groom are happy, you have done your job.

But yeah, that is why I have been busy and unable to write.  But have no fear, I will be blogging constantly.  Maybe not everyday, maybe more than once in a day.  Who knows, because I sure don't.

Photo courtesy of Jane Hasty.

Check out her website here:

http://www.janehastyphotography.com/

Oh hey there.

I never forgot about writing this blog. I simply just have not had time. Between college, work, working out, and trying to breathe I just have not had a minute to relax. Most of my creativity time has gone towards poems. I am sorta in this in-between state right now. Neither happy nor sad. Simply just living. Going about my days with no plan or action except to stay alive and do what I need to. I have had a lot happen to me in these past few months that I am not even sure what this life is anymore. But then again I am only 19, verging on 20. I have all this time left to figure out what life is. So today I breathe, smile, and go about my day. I will figure out what I am supposed to do with this life I was given. Today isn't that day. Tomorrow? Probably not. Maybe next month, year, decade. Until then, well I don't exactly know. Follow me and find out.