More for me and less for you.

So I haven't written for about four days now.  I figured I should start again mainly because writing helps me get things out.  It helps me get my feelings and emotions out.  Every post I write is somehow related back to me and my daily experiences.  While you might not know it, each post is personal.  I throw myself into my blog.  It is the only way I can truly express myself.  It is hard for me to be my full self around people.  It is hard for me to trust.  I am shy and timid.  I do not like to speak in public.  I read books.  I like to go to Bingo on Sundays with my mom.  I try to be creative.  Emphasis on the try.  Some of the things I have done were just straight up train wrecks.  My six year old niece is better at arts and crafts then I am.  But the one most important thing about me is that I do not give up.  If I hurt, I smile.  If I want to cry, I hold it in and laugh.  It is hard for me to let others in for I fear that one day they will leave.  While some people have showed me that they are here to stay, I have had more people then I thought leave me.  Everyone tells me that I am just a fun-loving, happy, vibrant person.  While that is true, there is a lot that people do not know.  Simply because I chose to not show it.  Some people know the real me.  The whole me.  But in order for that to happen one must prove they are there to stay.  So I guess what I am saying is that while I appear one way, there is another side that you have yet to meet.  My question to you is, are you willing to get to know me or will you just be like the others and leave?  The choice is yours.  Choose wisely.

Why can't we have nice things?

So if you go to Marquette you know that the apartments and houses there are okay.  They are 'livable'.  I use that word very loosely.  The only nice place to live is the 2040's.  So I singed my lease for one of the nicer apartments.  Not the 2040's because those are crazy expensive, but one of the other few nice apartments.  Pretty livable I would say.  Well anyways, I came to Chicago today for the weekend.  I am spending it with my friends from high school.  They go to DePaul University in Chicago.  Well DePaul has way more livable quarters then Marquette.  These apartments they live in are even run by the school, not just associated with it.  I walked in and literally said "Wow rich people must live here."  It was that nice.

Can you spot Sean?

The best lesson ever taught.

A professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.' The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. 'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - family, children, health, friends, and favorite passions – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car. The sand is everything else - the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. So... pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.' One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. 'I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'  

This is by far the best thing I have ever read.  I thought I would share it with you.  

One year ago.

If someone would have asked me a year ago where I thought I would be, this is not it.  I would have said I would be in the Speech Pathology program, have a great group of friends, a steady relationship, some sort of job, and a car.  Well surprisingly, none of that is true.  I dropped my major, lost friends, am as single as a Pringle, jobless, and I currently ride a bike with a flat tire.  The thing is, while my life sounds super depressing, it isn't.  I figured out that my major was not suited for me and am now on my way to putting criminals in jail.  So if you plan on getting arrested stay out of Milwaukee, otherwise I will arrest your ass.  I lost many friends, but I made so many new ones.  I would not change that for the world.  While being single is not ideal, I have started focusing on my health and started getting into shape.  I am really happy for this new me. The job?  HAHA GOOD JOKE! Hopefully, fingers crossed, I will get my first steady job this summer.  Finally my whole car situation.  Yeah I am not getting a car anytime soon.  While the bike is not ideal right now, once that tire gets pumped up I will be unstoppable in the city.  So yeah, my life is not what I thought it would be, but I would never change it for the world.  I am surrounded by amazing people and am on the way to my dream job.  Oh that reminds me, if anyone has a bicycle pump, I would love to borrow it.  It is the only thing stopping me from getting where I want to be in life, literally.  So if you ever think your life is not what you thought it would be, do not look at it like it is a bad thing.  You are exactly where you need to be in life.

One year ago.

Just last week.

Highs and lows.

This past week has just been a whirlwind for me.  I have laughed and cried.  I've had highs and low, low, lows.  I have been happy and sad.  I literally have been every emotion out there this past week.  It sucks.  It gets exhausting.  The worst part is that every time I think I am fine something happens and BAM I'm not.  Sometimes I wish I did not feel things; that life would be so much simpler that way.  Then I remember something: I am alive.  How do I know this?  Cause I feel things.  They remind me that I care.  That every time I laugh or I cry it means that I am alive and can feel.  While I admit that the whole crying/sad part is not my favorite I have to overlook that because the laughing/happy part is awesome.  So when you are feeling down, do not stay there.  Remind yourself that yeah, right now you are upset but that will not last forever.  You will laugh again.  You will cry again.  But next time they will be tears of joy.  So just fight the heartbreak, the sadness, the hurt.  Things will get better.  They always do.

The fight.

You know that feeling?

When you're just waiting.

Waiting to get home, into your room, 

close the door, fall into bed,

and just let everything out that you kept in all day.

That feeling of both relief and depression.

Nothing is wrong.

But nothing is right either.

And you're tired.

Tired of everything, tired of nothing.

And you just want someone to

be there and tell you it's okay.

But no one's going to be there.

And you know you have to be strong

for yourself, because no one can fix you.

Bu you're tired of waiting.

Tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else.

Tired of being strong.

And for once, you just want it to be easy.

To be simple.  To be helped.  To be saved.

But you know you won't be.

But you're still hoping.

And you're still wishing.

And you're still staying strong and fighting,

with tears in your eyes.

You're fighting.

Just a little bit longer.

So yay, it's Friday!  Finally.  Just a few hour stands between you and the weekend.  You can go home and relax or go out and have fun.  Or do both, you have three days to do anything.  Shop, sleep, eat, take an adventure.  Basically do whatever you want because it is your time.  But yeah, just a few hours stands between you and the best weekend of your life.  So for now stretch out those muscles, eat a donut, and laugh at what I posted.  This will help you make it to the weekend.  I promise!

Get up and get out there.

Do you ever want to work out but you do not have the motivation to do it?  When you are in class you are all like "Yeah when I get out I'm going to go to the gym" and then once you get out your all like "Damn I could go for a burrito now."  Yeah I am with you, and frankly right now I want a burrito.  But guess what?  You need to get up and do this.  Just picture how great you will feel eating after you go for a run or a jog or even a walk.  I just recently started to work out.  I figured I should focus myself into something good.  I would always see fit people and be like "I wanna be like them!"  Well now I am on my way to being just like that.  I will admit, at first it sucks.  The hardest part is getting up and doing it.  But once you do, throw on the new episode of New Girl and just start working out.  You will feel sore for a while but that just means it is working.  Let me tell you nothing feels as good as accomplishing a workout.  So for now, you will have to fight the pain because being a healthy, fit you will be worth it in the end!!

Be who you want to be.

You eat, you're fat.  You don't eat, you're a freak.  You drink, you're an alcoholic.  You don't drink, you're a wimp.  You read, you're a nerd.  You don't read, you're stupid.  You tell a secret, you're an attention seeker.  You don't tell a secret, you're still an attention seeker.  You let someone in, you're easy.  You don't let someone in, you're too uptight.  You smoke, you think you're cool.  You don't smoke, you're a loser.  You've had sex, you're a whore.  You haven't had sex, you're a freaking little bitch.  You wear makeup, you're a slag.  You don't wear makeup, you're ugly.  You cannot please anyone.  Ever.  So stop and just be who you want to be.  Everyone else does not matter.

Remember.

As you grow up, you will learn that even the one person that wasn't ever supposed to let you down probably will.  You will have your heart broken probably more then once and it will be harder every time.  You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.  You'll fight with your best friend.  You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.  You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.  So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.  Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

Humor for the heart.

It's Monday. The day is long and it is the beginning of the week.  Maybe today is the worst day ever.  Maybe it is not.  Either way, you do not want to start the week off upset.  That will put you in a mood that ruins your week.  Maybe what you need is just a little humor, a little laughter, a little smile.  Even if you only smile for 5 minutes, that is five minutes where you are not upset and sad.  Cause I do not want anyone to start the week off upset!  Here are some funny things to give you AT LEAST 5 minutes of giggles.  I hope this makes your a day a little better, a little brighter, and a little more bearable. 

Things happen

I am not sure how to put this any other way. Things happen.  But if you can get through that, then everything is going to be fine.  It will be worth it.

Your choice.

Shel Silverstein says it all.  There really is not anything else I can say.  People will tell you their opinions. You won't want to hear them but they wrill be said.   All you can do is listen.  Be kind to them.  Then just smile and walk away.  Cause at the end of the day the only one making decisons for you is yourself.

Rules of a Gentleman.

Today while procrastinating like a boss, I stumbled across this blog called Rules of a Gentleman.  While these rules are directed towards men, I do believe if you change the right words it can apply to women as well.  Some of these rules are quite interesting, and from a females point of view I can tell you that these rules are excellent.  So I threw on (quiet) a few of them.  Go ahead take a look.  These can benefit you in the future, no matter male or female.  You do not have to read them all, but if you have time, I highly recommend it.  They make some pretty excellent points.