So many people suffer from
depression and feel their only way out is suicide. Every single day a person takes their own
life because they can no longer deal. What
people don’t realize is that a kind word or a little wave can save a
person. One small act change a person’s
life. What many people don’t know is
that I have depression. I suffered in
silence for a long time and then a little over a year ago I was formally diagnosed
with Generalized Depression. This means
that I do not have certain things that trigger my depression. Instead everything, in a way, could make me
depressed and cause me to go into a solitary retreat. When I found out I told some members of my
family. Their reactions were not what I thought
they would be. I got “People in our family
do not get mental illnesses”, “They misdiagnosed you”, “You do not have
depression”, and my favorite “You are lying.”
They did not realize that what they were doing was making me feel
worse. Here I was sharing with them a
very personal detail and they were just tearing me down. They made me feel like having depression was
a shameful thing and I should never mention it again; I should hide this detail
of myself from everyone. They wanted to
get me retested and re-diagnosed. They said
I had a couple ‘breakdowns’ but that was no reason to say I was depressed. I felt alone.
My family, the people I thought would understand more than anyone else,
was saying what I had was not even real. It took a long time but, after my parents talked
with my family, they finally realized that what I had was real. I was suffering and it was nice to know that
my support system was actually going to support me. Today, my family always calls me to chat and
secretly check up on me. They send me
encouraging texts “just because”. I know
why they do it but I can tell you that it means more to me than anyone will
ever know.
What a lot of people do not realize
is that no person’s depression is the same.
To tell a person you know what they are going through because you too
have depression is one of the worst things you can say. So many people have said that statement and
it truly hurts like a knife in the heart.
No one can feel your pain. No one
can relate on that level. What they
statement is basically saying is that “You are not that special. I suffer too.
Look at me, I am living life and I am happy. Stop complaining and be happy too.” While your intentions may be pure, to a
person with depression they only see the underling meaning of those words. Depression is a solitary experience. People cannot “fix you”. All they can do is be there to support
you. Since depression has no “cure”
(mind you, I hate using that word) everyone who has it will live with it for
the rest of their lives.
Those with depression have suicidal
thoughts. I never really thought I had
them until I met with a psychologist a while back. We talked about everything and I shared with
her every moment of my life. While she
was asking me questions, the topic of suicide came up. I realized in that moment that suicide was
something that I had thought of before. It
was never an option or something I wanted to do but it more so that the word
was just a word that I had thought of. I
had read about young adults who took their own life because they were depressed,
people who saw this as their only way out.
To them, suicide was the “cure”.
These were people who kept their struggle private. They never told their friends or family. What I realized, along with my psychologist,
is that I needed to tell people. So on
top of telling family I also told a few close friends. Being in college, it is a lot easier to lean
on a friend who lives down the block then on a parent who lives in another
state. Now that does not mean that I do
not call my parents at 11 o’clock at night when I am crying and can barely
breathe. Oh I guess now would be a good
time to mention I also have Generalized Anxiety Disorder which causes me to
suffer from anxiety attacks every now and again. Typically when I get very depressed I have
panic attacks on top of it. So anyways…
Like I was saying I know my friends are there for me but there is just
something about your parents saying “It will be okay” that truly makes you feel
like everything will in fact be okay.
I have never been shy about my
disorders. I never thought of it as
something I should be ashamed about. Some
people have scars, some people have six toes, I just happen to have a couple
mental disorders. If you want to mock me
for it go ahead. Just make sure you are
100% perfect before you do so. I am sure
you aren’t because no one is perfect. Well
no one except Queen B cause let’s be honest, that woman is FIERCE (and yes I did
the little finger snap when I wrote that).
But yeah, I have some inner demons that I fight every day. I have my ways of dealing. Although I am very open with whom I am, most
people aren’t. Many will not just come
out at say they have depression. Instead
they will drop little hints that most people will not notice. I'm going to be kind and let you know these
hints so that YOU can help out your friends.
1. They tend to
find excuses to not go out.
2. They say
they will go out and then cancel at the last minute.
3. They do go
out but are very quiet.
4. When asked ‘what
is wrong’ they will look at the ground and say ‘nothing’.
5. They will
not respond to text messages for days.
6. They lay in
bed constantly.
7. They sleep a
lot.
8. They refuse
to eat or eat a bite and say they are full.
These are all signs of
depressed people. These are also signs
of a very exhausted college student. Depression
is not black and white. It is hard to
tell who has depression because those who have it generally try to hide
it. We will not be waving a flag letting
people know we have a mental illness (well most won’t). If you think a friend has depression you need
to sit down and talk with them. If they
deny it, just keep talking. You need to
let them know you are there. Let them
know there are numbers to call and people to talk to. Whatever you do, do not say you know what
they are going through, do not say this will pass with time, and ABSOLUTLY DO
NOT SAY that they need to be happy. Depression
is not something that can be fixed in a matter of minutes. It takes time and it takes support. All I ask is that you be someone’s support
system. Without my support system and
the help I have received, I do not know where I would be. So thank you to my friends, family, and
everyone is between. You all helped me
in more ways then I could ever mention
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